The Road House

So last night, my hot librarian girlfriend was out at an author dinner, the boy was with his dad for the weekend, the house was cleaned, and I had the night to myself.  There was shit on the tv, and I for one was determined not to waste my evening away watching House Hunters or some such bullshit.  I was getting up, and I was gonna go get a beer at some neighborhood bar.  As a family guy, these opportunities just don't present themselves that often, a chance to just get up without saying a word, leave the house and go do man things without any discussion whatsoever.  I had to take advantage of it.

Out to the car I go, hop in and head for Mollys.  Mollys is the local Irish pub where alot of the area rugby players hang out and do guy things.  I hop on the freeway, speed down a couple of exits, and aim for the one closest to mollys, easy as pie, except that the exit is 50 yards down stream of the bar, and it's literally 3 miles to make the u-turn and get back in the right spot.  I'm Pissed.

Off the hiway now, and on the feeder I realize that there is a biker bar on the u-turn path that had advertised Pudding Wrestling for the following nght. I'd miss the pudding wrestling by a day, but bikers, and potential pudding wrestlers, well, that's pretty manly too, so I have a new target, and I'm actually ok with that.  I won't get a black and tan there, but I'm sure they have a corona or something.

Pulling into the parking lot, I see that the Pudding wrestling isn't happening at ye ol' hog hangout, but at a new bar in the same lot called the Road House.  Manly name, pudding wrestlers, and someplace I haven't been before, things are looking up.

I walk into the bar, it hasn't been open long enough for it to be a "dive" yet, but it definately has potential.  The first group of folks I see are 4 girls over by the bar, one of em sporting a front edge mohawk, theres another dude at the bar, and a couple of guys playing pool.  Mohawks, pool, pudding wrestlers, very nice.  I'm betting that the one in the mohawk would probably kick some ass given an oponent and a kiddy pool full of pudding.

I manuver myself between some tables and up to an empty spot at the bar.  Behind the bar they have some weird mirror covered saddle hanging from the ceiling, rotating like a hick disco ball, a couple of tv's and a fairly butch bartender who literaly pays no attention to me.  I'm only her 8th customer and I've been sitting here beerless for like 3 minutes now.  What the fuck else could she be doing, like c'mon already, I'm thirsty.

Finally, I get a bud light and settle in to check out the bar.  The other dude at the bar gets some red punch drink with a couple cherrys skewered on a plastic sword, I kinda chuckled to myself at the thought that the bartender probably had bigger nuts than ol' cherry skewer over here.  This is turning out to be a pretty entertaining place after all.  I'm happy.

So there I was, a man on the town, drinking my beer, soaking in the atmosphere.  As I soaked it all in, I had the feeling that there was something going on here.  It was subtle at first, but then as I started to piece it together, it became crystal clear.  The shiney saddle, the butch waitress, the mowhawk chick, and ol' cherry skewer who was just joined by another dude with a fruity drink of his own.  A quick glance at the rainbow adorned neon beer signs on the wall behind me, and I was certain.  In my quest for a manly adventure, and in search of pudding wrestlers, I had just walked my ass into the only gay bar within 20 miles of my house.

How in the Hell did that happen?  Of all the nights to stumble into this place, tonight?!?.  Really??.  And before you get me wrong, I have absolutely NO problem with gay folks, but the irony of the situation was just too much.  Definately not the manly experience I was looking for, but certainly a better story than I was expecting to pull from the evening.  I finished my beer, chuckled to myself, and went on my way.  The girlfriend had gotten home and brought me some takeout from the author dinner, and I had my big gay adventure to tell her about.  Then it was back to the couch and another episode of House Hunters.  Maybe next time.

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